Sunday, December 2, 2007

'The Girl Nobody Loved' Part II

I left off at Part I, with the Man in the Small Office giving me an address to a 'agency', supposedly a place that could 'help' me and my yet to be born baby. But you all must forgive me if I don't remember the conversations we are speaking about conversations that took place 43 years ago. But Thank the Goddesses I have always been blessed (or possibly the misfortune)of having one terrific memory. Hopefully it will continue to serve me well in my 'Golden Years'.

So now I have this 'address' and I would enlist my mother to accompany me to this 'agency'. (BTW..Mom was only 38 years of age, newly widowed with 6 children, I being the oldest at 17). We would take a few buses to get to this 'agency'. Was a very nice looking brick building, surrounded with many lush green trees and shrubbery. Very pleasant looking to the eye. We would be greeted by a fairly young woman with brown hair and brown eyes with a big smile on her face. I would guess her age to be in her early 30's, if my visual memory isn't failing me. Mom and I would sit in front of her desk..the agency woman sitting behind her desk and still with this big smile on her face, almost glowing. Now here I have to be honest is where my memory does fade a bit and does injustice to this writing. She would tell me with no uncertainty in her voice or demeanor..that I had nothing to offer to 'the baby'. Nothing! Rather I should not think of myself, but should only think of what is best for 'the baby'. I should not be selfish, afterall you are poor, what could you possibly offer 'this baby'. Of course Mom sat there very quiet..Mom and I had our own shared secret..that no one was to know about, less she feel any more ashamed than she has already been feeling for 17 years. My Mom, once upon a time, was also an unmarried mother in 1946, the year of my birth. And she carried that secret for many years...especially the first 15 years of my life when I finally would be told the truth about mom's 'secret', but no one else should never know. Difference was my Mom was 'allowed' to keep me, Thank the Goddesses!

So Ms. Brown-Eyes kept pushing her adoption as the best option (the only option) for me and my baby. Of course she already knew what hospital I was having my baby doubt the SW in the hospital had informed her, before I ever made the biggest mistake of my life..that of crossing the Threshold into Adoption Agency Hell! I only ever visited that agency one time only and the agency today from it's records have verified I only ever visited that agency one time. Still when it came time to have my baby..immediately after opening my eyes after the birth of my child and asking what did I have..a boy or a girl? I was told in no uncertain terms.. "You don't need to know..'the baby' is up for adoption!"

The Moral of this True-Life Story... Didn't matter if you were in a maternity home, or contacted an adoption agency, hidden in your home, sent away to visit 'relatives', a patient of a doctor who was trolling for newborns for his infertile patients.. as a young unmarried mother in those were 'fair-game'and so was your baby. You were afforded no protection for your own person and that of your newborn, your own motherhood was put in full jeapordy simply because you were young, unmarried and pregnant. And if real-life legal protection and rights were out there for you..they made damn sure you never knew about it, by shaming and guilting me/us into silence. Maybe I shouldn't say 'us' as there are BSE Mothers out there that say they were never 'ashamed' or felt 'guilty'. But I did. I was forever ashamed of losing my firstborn to adoption and felt extremely guilty about that. BUT! Education is a wonderful thing.. when you learn 'The Truth' about the BSE and how millions of mothers were separated from their newly born infants.

**I would wanted to share some quotes from Rickie Solinger's "The Girl Nobody Loved", but I have to honestly admit, I am a novice at 'blogging' and can't seem to find a way to share some quotes. But I will learn how to in the very near future!


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