An adoptress "confesses" in the indulgent, cheap and easy way we've all come to expect :
"This sucks. I've just had an epiphany that I'm totally wishing my life away waiting for my children to grow up so I can get on with MY life. I can't wait until they're old enough to go to school and get them out of my hair. I hate all of this and I dread each and every day. I wish this was a rant, vent or just a bad day but it's not. I HATE BEING A MOM. I get very little out of this and I'm beginning to doubt my capacity to love anything at all. I wouldn't mind wishing a few years of my life away if I had more of it ahead of me than I do. I'm 40 and these kids won't be going to school for several more years. The worst part of this whole thing is that both of my children are adopted and
somewhere out there are two birth mothers whose children went to an adoptive mother who has very little appreciation for them. This is the dirtiest, most awful--probably the ONLY awful thing I've ever done, but boy is it a doozy. I can't tell a soul this because it's just too terrible to say out loud. It's probably every birth-mother's nightmare...to plan an adoption for your child who ends up with a mother who doesn't want or appreciate them. I really have no idea how I got here or why this happened, but I know it makes me an awful person---a
person I can't look at in the mirror because my heart is so small that I can't stand being a mother. I used to like me. I hate having kids. This crushing boredom, endless need, bottomless thanklessness, blatant greed and inconsideration are slowly killing me. Even worse still is that I pretend very poorly that things are "okay" and in the end that will only rob these two kids of something real. It's clear that I can't "fake it 'til I make it" in this situation. If there was any way to save face and send these kids away, I'd do it. The worst of the worst? I hate myself, but I think I hate them more. Maybe they'll get lucky and I'll die before they really figure out what a horrific bitch their "mother" really is. "
All right, everyone take a nice, deep, cleansing breath.
May I say I have no sympathy for this writer? N.O.N.E.
She chose to enter into the adoptions of these two children. Who held the gun to her head? With her dollars, she chose to support a system that separates mothers from their children, for profit. I feel no sympathy nor any empathy whatsoever for this woman. The way I see it, these children are simply characters in her own personal drama.
In my opinion (and where have you heard THIS before?) it would have been much better for everyone involved if this woman would have spent those hard earned dollars on a therapist instead of an adoptionist. And yet, she was "allowed" to adopt.
This on the heels of stories (again) of child abuse by two adoptresses. It's not like these are isolated incidents. We regularly read of abuses just like this happening within the "homes" of those who purchase children.
One kept her purchased child in a cage. The 17 year old "son" weighed 49 pounds when he was found http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/05/23/caged.teen.ap/index.html?iref=mpstoryview )
The other adoptress forced her 11 year old purchased adolescent son to wear a diaper and eat his own feces.(http://timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=691077&category=RENSSELAER&BCCode=HOME&newsdate=5/24/2008 )
I have advocated for state mandated psychological testing for the wanna be mommeees and daddeees of AdoptionLand before they take that little baby "home" for as long as I can remember.
This is why.
Once again with feeling, the central theme of AdoptionLand:
Robin blogs this confession at Motherhood Deleted in her usual practical, no nonsense way:
You know, the only real answer to this is to do more to help mothers and their children stay together. This country has become so adoption-crazed that people do it because they THINK they should...not because it is what is best for either them or the children they might adopt. She's wasting energy hating the children because she's the one who decided to raid the baby market. She's also wasting time hating herself when she needs to be taking
action. Let's hope she can forgive herself, be kind to these kids and do what is right by them...FIND THEIR MOTHERS.
You said it, Robin.
Barb, for myself